For those of you who have never understood a thing Wole Soyinka writes or says and who’ve made it clear in many words that you don’t, but think it’s all right to make him a subject of your derision for his card-tearing remark, MOVE ON. Just quietly sigh and move on!

This is like one of his essays. You can read it from start to finish and still miss the point. Why do you think if you randomly flip to a page, you can critique it?

I know you constantly question his style. He writes big English. He is hard to read. He goes around in circles to make a point and at the end of the day you still do not get the point.

Move on!

By the way, style is personal. You either like it or you don’t – your choice. Doesn’t mean you’re right liking it, doesn’t mean you’re wrong liking it. Some of us like beans , others don’t; it makes them purge. Beans is not the villain here. Beans don’t care. Beans don’t give a shit! Beans is beans!

But no, you still have to ask:  but why does he not write like us, be simple like us, why must he lace his sentences with so much big words, why doesn’t he write like a human being?

Move on!  Wole Soyinka is not the pearly gate that will give you rest from all that ails you. There are plenty of iconic, sane, brilliant writers that will better serve you than Soyinka’s kongified essays. I can recommend some for you if you like.

But no, you just have to make a spectacle out of this.

So he says something. Something you finally think you understand. And what your ear tells your brain is I WILL TEAR MY CARD IF TRUMP WINS THE ELECTION sefini, because that’s what he actually said.

Haha, you caught him on tape.  This is no hearsay. He is not going to wiggle out of this one. Please God, make Trump triumph. This is not some celebrity claiming his twitter was hacked after a backlash from his fans for  tweeting nonsense. This is not a journalist misquoting him. This is him in flesh and blood and a head of gray bouncy hair.

Calm down guys and let some air up there. Remember you have never understood his jargons up till now. What makes you think you do now and it’s not your brain circuitry dashing off that accustomed path of regular nonsense when you hear the name Wole Soyinka? Remember your thinking is all on you.

Well here is something we can all agree on.

Trump won!

Haha. So let’s hear the Professor. No, let’s taunt him. Yeah you poke him there, you drag his leg.

Oh, this is so good. Does anybody have a pair of scissors?

Let’s shave his head. Everybody gets Kongi’s DNA as a keepsake.

How cool is that?

‘Awesome’, everyone roars.

The Professor retorts

Wait a minute, he says. You took my word literally. And then he goes in, deep. In his usual fashion he spits. Fire, like a Sango peeved.

What do you do? You attack him. A man you’ve never understood up to this time. But because you can finally deconstruct one of his sentences to “Subject-Predicate-Object” as you were taught in elementary school, you ran away with it.

See, me too I have suffered from these things. Simple story of Ijapa the cunning tortoise, and how he got his crooked shell.  It was many moons ago. After Grandpa finished the tale, he asked for the moral of the story. What moral? Grandpa never mentioned any moral in the whole of the story, I swear. My mind was sharp as a steel trap and I didn’t nod off either. My oversabi sister had her hand up like there was going to be asun for correct answers.  Glutton, that one! What is going on here, I wondered. Did I miss something that one time I watched the cloud washed over the moon in the dark sky?  Thank God Grandpa didn’t give a prize for that night’s tale.  I wonder if I wouldn’t have questioned Grandpa’s integrity for expecting me to provide answer to a question that clearly had no answer.

Still I had to ask. Why did Grandpa do that? Maybe it’s senility? Yes, it has to be.

Well, now I know, many years later. It’s not senility. It’s me. I wasn’t looking at the big picture.

But the crescent moon has moved on and so have I.  The message never left me.

So here’s my point brothers and sisters, it’s the big picture you’re missing here. It’s pretty simple and I think you should just move on now.

You say, but it’s English he spoke. I ask you, was it not English he’s been speaking all the while, even if you had need of a dictionary for every line ( at least it’s what I do; Oxford Learner’s  plus two tablets of Aspirin). So you see Dear Non-Initiates,  Soyinka is not worth your wrathful fire except of course you just need to let some deep-seated rage out.

He doesn’t write/speak like a human being or think like you. At least not in the way you perceive that a man should think in your world.

He wasn’t the one that changed. You were the one who assumed he has changed and that assumption is on you.

So you see why you should have moved on? Maybe talk about Donald Trump’s hair or watch SNL for the laughs?

It’s a waste of time to belabour yourselves over a man whose actions haven’t always been guided by popular consensus and who does not appear to seek it. It is only to yourselves you do a disservice when you choose to ignore his past stunts, his crazy talks, and then isolate an incident you think makes sense to you so you can butcher him on the altar of your own standard.

So again to those who seriously mean it when they say Soyinka’s books/words are indecipherable, it’s time to move on.

Let’s clear out of the room fast and let in some air for people who get (understand, not agree o) him most of the time with or without a dictionary, but still demand that he tears that card.

P.S.

You can find Alec Baldwin Saturday Night Live show on YouTube. Just type SNL in the search bar. Funny stuff too.  Adios!

To my other fans in the house (or not)

Hey guys. Let’s settle down. I do not presume to be an authority on the subject of Soyinka, so deal nicely with me.  This is just another man who sees things a bit different from you. Keep an open mind, will ya! If you’ve managed through any of his books I expect you to have exhausted all the cuss words you’re allocated from heaven. So, patience please, or blows. Your pick.

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